GUEST POST: Janis Patterson and BEADED TO DEATH Release Day!

Today I bring you a special guest blog from Janis Patterson, multiply published (traditionally published several times over the years) mystery author! She was one of the 100 writers who founded Romance Writers of America (you can get her re-issued romances soon on Amazon, published as Janis Susan May.)

Her new book BEADED TO DEATH, a funny cozy mystery, was just released this past Monday, October first. Yay! But if we consider what she says below, we'd probably better HURRY to get it before someone goes out and censors it, bans it, or does whatever other nefarious thing the government would like to do to books and our electronic texts. I believe she makes some valid discussion points.

In fact, October is Banned Books Month. Let's go out and read a banned book that could destroy our minds and take control of our senses. One like TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD . . . CATCHER IN THE RYE . . . or (the clear winner) THE ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN, that Great American Novel with the dreaded "N" word in it (because that was the vernacular of the day, AND because Twain wants us to see it for what it is--NOT because Twain/Clemens was a racist, sheesh. Those dangerous books that ask us to think and move us to feel! Oh, the horror!

I wish they'd ban NICE WORK and MURDER BY THE MARFA LIGHTS. And certainly CAMILLE'S TRAVELS. Or even APRIL, MAYBE JUNE. That one will definitely inspire people to think for themselves. And we cannot have that, can we?

So let's listen to what our honored guest has to say and then go check out her book on Amazon. (Be sure to click on the LIKE button next to the title before you buy it and check out!)

Attack of the Bureaucrats
by Janis Patterson

I wonder what ever happened to freedom? I’ve been battling the Animal License Registration people for months now. Both my vet and I have told them that my dog received a three year rabies vaccination. We’ve told them that for two years. They received the documentation when it was first done. They also accepted that I was old enough to qualify for a senior exemption.

But not any more. They’re threatening me with a criminal citation. And they’re saying that all of a sudden I have to mail them a copy of my driver’s license. Really! After accepting my exemption before, now they have to have a copy? And in these days of identity theft I am to send a copy through the mail?

Really, what business is it of theirs how many animals I want to have? Government intrusion at its worst.

So what does this admittedly bad-tempered (but very truthful) rant have to do with writing?

The thin edge of the wedge.

If a petty bureaucratic agency can dictate how many animals I have, can ignore facts and demand that I put myself and my credit at risk, and can threaten me with criminal citations unless I dance through their ridiculous hoops, what else can the government do? If the time-servers at the animal services department can do all that and intrude so far into our private lives with impunity, how long will it be before there is a department of literary control?

The idea is worse than any horror story.

Just imagine. Every book will have to go through an evaluation process to see if it fits whatever standard is in play at the moment. It will have to be registered – not like with an ISBN, for ease of location and purchase, but to show that it has been approved for distribution to the populace. Then, if the political/social winds change, it can be de-certified and eradicated in a moment. The book that never was.

I don’t care for erotica. There are, however, many who do. There’s a lot of it out there, and that’s as it should be. I believe that people should be allowed to read what they like, be it erotica or sweet romance or mysteries or history or technological books or whatever. But… what if some bureaucratic automaton suddenly decided that a certain kind of book wasn’t acceptable and shouldn’t be allowed. With the pressure of the government and threats of punishment those unacceptable books would vanish. Nowadays we would of course cry ‘Censorship!’ and fight it.

We might even win -– this time. In the future… who knows?

Perhaps you think my premise preposterous or even paranoid. Perhaps it is – but just remember, they really can be out to get you even if you are paranoid.

Freedom to read what we want, to write what we want, is not something to be taken lightly, and should be guarded at all costs. I don’t have a magic pill or incantation to keep away a dire book-controlled future that may not ever happen. I don’t know a solution, save to keep writing and keep alert. The internet and the ease of self-publishing have done a great deal to destroy the old gatekeepers – for good or for bad – but there is no guarantee that such freedom will last.

It is our job as writers, as readers, to see that the freedom to read and write what we want to is kept alive.

So –- as a first step, I would remind you that my lighthearted cozy mystery BEADED TO DEATH was released 1 October. It’s a fun romp with a middle-aged bead artist who finds an unknown dead body in her living room and is suddenly plunged into a new world containing drug smugglers, an FBI agent who may or may not be rogue and a 7’3” nephew on the run from an unwanted basketball scholarship.

If I were cynical, I’d say get it while you can. Do I really think an apocalypse of book-control is coming? I most devoutly hope not.

But it is a possibility.

You're ALL WINNERS!!

Well, as it turned out, we only had four unique commenters on the previous blog post, the one with the giveaway. So I decided to let Teddy have ALL the treats and send ALL FOUR of you a free book!

I'm currently contacting people with the contact email given. If you don't hear from me today or tomorrow (so I can get your snailmail address for mailing the book), remind me in comments--I should be back here after lunch and errands.

Congratulations! You have a cool new read ahead of you! (And a couple of free MP3 gift cards, to boot--I only have two of those, so will distribute those randomly.)

FREE BOOK! BOOK GIVEAWAY! (etc.)

I have finally received all the author copies of my books that I ordered (and paid for), and I also have a stack of other people's books that I've managed to score here and there. It's time for a--

BOOK GIVEAWAY!

This time around it's my new mystery, NICE WORK. I'm giving away three free copies! (Assuming I get three or more comments, that is. *tap tap* Is this thing on?) I'll be doing this once a week for a while, for different novels.

If you'd like to win a free copy of NICE WORK, leave a comment with your contact information (this can be your e-mail in a cryptic format, such as ladiva AT gmail). Comment by next Tuesday, September 18th. You can say anything you like in the comment, as long as it's nice. Let's play nice (unlike the rest of the net, politics-infested as it is. My own MOTHER, aged 83, is in there screaming at the television and insists on staying on the news channels. I keep telling her she's only upsetting herself, but some people enjoy that.)

The winners will be chosen randomly from the commenters by my Pomeranian, Teddy. I'll label his dog treats "1," "2," "3," and so forth, and throw them on the floor. He always gets them and drags them over to his hiding place. Which order will he get them? That will determine the winners! If I only get three comments, then you'll all WIN! You're already winners, you know--in all sorts of other ways. Thanks for reading.

I'm really interested in hearing from readers. Let me know your thoughts on the new Bounty o' Books that is out there, much of it for free on e-readers. Are we better off than we were a couple of years ago, or not? LOL

Bit rot, file corruption, and obsolete file formats--reality!

All RIIIIIght! You are a Modern Thinker! You are not an old fuddy-duddy Luddite! You are wired up to the minute with all the latest devices!

You've just burned your library and will from now on ONLY get books on your Kindle, Nook, pad, or whatever. All-digital all the way!

Oh, yeah! You just saved some space! Like the turtle who carries her home on her back, you have just made it possible to have many volumes on a wafer-thin, um, wafer. Just as you dumped your vinyl for CDs for the iPod or MP3 player, you've lightened your load.

As long as you don't see that as a "forever" deal, of course.

What do I mean? What kind of nutcase AM I? (That actually remains to be seen. As Sheldon Cooper says, "I'm not insane. My mother had me tested.")

Indulge me for a moment. Let me muse a bit here about the various file formats I have seen sprout, blossom, propagate to be ubiquitous (there are some SAT words for ya!), and then wilt and be swept into the dirt forever. Anyone remember those wonderful 8-1/2 inch floppy disks that we used when I worked at Rockwell Collins (in 1981) to back up all the stuff in the world? No? How about the ubiquitous 5-1/4 floppy that was in EVERY Apple ][ and PC clone . . . for years . . . and the likes of which kept our files and docs safely backed up . . . forever? Then came the shirt-pocket-sized hard-sided Sony 3" diskettes that lasted somewhat longer--the Zip drive--DAT tapes--all formats of tapes, cassette and otherwise . . . vanity, all is vanity.

My husband finally (last month) unearthed my last cache of diskettes with backups from my old BBS and old writing workshops and so forth and dumped them, with me crawling behind and clawing at them the entire time.

"But we don't have any way to READ them any more," he said reasonably as he reached over my head to dump them into the dumpster. "You don't have an extra slot on your PC to hold a floppy controller. No one uses them. Besides, they surely have bit rot, as you last wrote to them in the late 1980s. Have you tried to read one lately? Not that we have a drive anywhere."

I still hated to see them go. FidoNET Echoes 1986! Writers' Workshop 1988 Lectures and Conferences! But . . . any data that I did not get transferred to the latest disk is gone, and possibly was anyhow, because some of the files that I *did* rescue and have not re-read recently are kind of corrupted. I don't even know where you could get a tape drive to read those old Mac backup tapes I had.

Not to worry, as my own output for the most part has followed me from disk to disk to crashed/recovered disk. But what of the many people who have burned their bras, I mean libraries, and gone all-Kindle?

Yes, friends, the Kindle format may be de rigueur today. But how long will that format last?

"Amazon has a backup of all my files in the Cloud and on my Kindle Page," you affirm testily. "Even if I lost this Kindle or it quit working, I would only have to get a new device to recopy all that stuff."

Yes, yes. Simple!

I seem to recall at least one instance in which Amazon pulled books (files) from everyone's Kindles because it suddenly realized it didn't have the rights to sell those books. Amazon's cloud is in constant contact with your Kindle and its library, and could make changes in it without even telling you. If they wanted to change ALL digital copies of the Constitution to read that smoking is prohibited and punishable by a day in the stocks, they could. Right now, there are still copies of the Constitution on paper and parchment, and there are living people who still live and die by its words (such as the Supreme Court, which is supposed to take Constitutional scholarship seriously). But someday there may not be anything but electronic copies, meaning that whoever owns those copies can modify them and then say that's the way it always was. History is changed. Welcome, Big Brother and doublethink.

Okay, you think that's going way wackjob.

Let's return to my scenario of bitrot and magnetic boo-boos. You can have a file backed up in several formats. That doesn't mean that one of the disks won't fail, or that the file on the memory stick won't get corrupted, or that (most likely) there will no longer be any software that supports that format. I find that I have to upgrade my operating system and apps whether I like it or not, regularly, whenever the industry decrees that Windows Whatever and WordStar 3.3 will no longer be supported. That's the way of the world. Eventually, no one will support reading Kindle files or Nook files or whatever. They'll look at you as if you were yelling for VisiCalc or the original Zork trilogy in text. (You might still find those now, but in a few years, perhaps not. The kids growing up today are not fascinated by text adventures.)

Even if you still have a floppy drive and your diskettes work, it won't last forever. We have "rotting formats" as well as physical bit "rot" going on all the time, and even though some of us are now "all-Kindle" and feel confident, the files on the Kindle are ephemeral. ("All is vanity, saith the Preacher.")

Yes, I always believed that I'd drag ALL my files along as soon as a converter was available and yadda, yadda, zamma, zamma. However, I didn't. I was too busy doing other things, producing new text, going different directions. Now it's too late. The time will come when it's too late to convert those old Kindle files--will you care? Or will you just say, "I'll re-buy the ones I want?" You will be helping the economy, so congratulations on that, Mr. VCR-bumper DVD-dumper Blu-Ray buyer.

So someday all of these books that you have paid $12 and up for will be unreadable. That may be fine with you. Perhaps you don't like to ever re-read books, and you don't care if those texts are lost to posterity. There are books now that have not made it onto a Kindle or Nook (the rights belong to someone who hasn't wanted to put the backlist up yet, maybe), and when the physical copies of those books are gone, they'll be gone. So it goes. So be it. Perhaps that doesn't matter.

But you ought to know what you're getting into. Someday all those .mobi files will be as unreadable as old Atari PC files. If you had the physical books, you could use them to prop up the table leg, have your kid sit on them to boost him up to the table, burn them for heat in the winter, and so forth. I feel there is tangible worth in a physical object, even today. Just something to think about.

My books are mostly available on the Kindle now, as well as in trade paperback. DULCINEA and NICE WORK are not. DULCINEA is not because I don't want it to be right now--I would have to go through XLibris, and I don't like their royalty structure for e-books. NICE WORK is at the end of a LONG line of books that OTP's converter person is working on. But, more to the point, the publisher doesn't make much money on anything other than the paper copy, and I had really hoped that people would want paper copies of the book. It's been very disappointing to find that most people have so many rationalizations as to why they don't want a dead-tree edition. *sigh* But this is life. It's the one you get. So go out and have a ball!

In other news, I want to play Water Polo now. On the men's Olympic team. The USA team is pretty easy on the eyes! And the Croatian team as well! The team captain is nearly 7 feet tall. And I have to jump to reach the middle shelf of my upper kitchen cabinets. *Life is unfair*

FREE BOOK offer!

OH GOD YOU ARE SO SICK OF SEEING BLATANT SELF-PROMO HERE AND ON ALL OF THE 'NET, but bear with me a moment. One more time, with feeling. A BET, like Lucy and Ricky Ricardo made all the time!

Last night, my elderly mother asked me if I thought I could sell 10 books before the end of the week. (She meant NICE WORK, but I got her to count ANY book of mine, including the Shalanna Collins books such as APRIL, MAYBE JUNE.)

Well, I wasn't sure she was serious, but she TRIPLE-dog-dared me. Skipping entirely over the DOUBLE-dog-dare. Completely out of protocol. She mentioned something she'd make me do for her if I *didn't* sell. And, yes, I'd like to be able to say I met the challenge.

I know people are being conservative with their money, so here's my promo idea. In this promotion, to last from yesterday until Sunday at midnight, I will not mention going to the Oak Tree Press direct site to buy the book because I want to see how long it takes for people to receive the books they've ordered from that site, and the experiment is ongoing. Unfortunately, this means we have to deal directly with Amazon--which makes people more comfy, because they know they can trust Amazon, even if it costs a widge more.

If you go to Amazon and buy NICE WORK by Denise Weeks before Sunday at midnight, and you snail-mail me the paper invoice that comes in the box when you get the book, I will personally send you a check reimbursing you for what NICE WORK cost you AND a signed bookplate. If you then write a review on Amazon for NICE WORK--pro or con, whatever you really feel--I will send you a code that will let you get a FREE Oak Tree Press book by mail. Any book they sell. Honest!

Interested? Email my assistant (Mama!) at jodie.gerneth AT gmail DOT com to get the mailing address for the invoice. This offer is good for the first 25 people who take me up on it. (I can't extend it indefinitely, because my royalty for the book is around a dollar, and we're talking about my sending out ~$20 in return, so I could go broke doing this.)

Yes, I'm trying to get the book kicked off. It is my hope that once some of you either read the book or pass it along to your husbands/wives/mothers/kids to read it, you will like it and change your low opinions of my writing in general. This would be a good thing. I would like to see this. I would LOVE to see more Amazon reviews. Then I might become a Real Girl. As dangerous as that might be.

We may not make 10 and I might have to make Mama a sweet potato pie, so HURRY! (You know she has diabetes! This isn't good for her health, although occasionally one does have to say fikkit and just splurge.)

You all know how to search Amazon. But if you like clicking through, you'll see NICE WORK listed on my Amazon page below.

Denise Weeks' Amazon author page

Oh, all right, here's the direct link to NICE WORK. Remember, it is a BIG book in trade paper.

NICE WORK at Amazon

And the link to my Shalanna Collins author page, in case you don't care for mysteries but you do like fantasy/YA or you have a student/kiddo/acquaintance who does.

Shalanna Collins' Amazon author page

I don't know what else I can do (short of hanging out at the corner of Cedar Springs and Oak Lawn, and I simply don't have the wardrobe or the bod for that) in order to get this book rolling and kicked off. The publisher had expected to see my family and friends buying the book as soon as it went live. A few loyal and decent and wonderful people DID (and I will not forget you, EVER), but not as many as she had expected. She expressed her disappointment to me in e-mail on Wednesday, because she usually sees contest winners take off (probably because they have lots of acquaintances who have money and/or jobs, and I happen to run in circles of artists and am related to many elderly folk who can't afford anything, and I understand that). This is one of the remedies I thought I'd try. It isn't that I'm not confident of the book's quality when compared to traditional mysteries by my favorites like Diane Mott Davidson and Anne George. In fact, I don't think I've posted snippets of this one on this journal, or at least not in ages. So no one can come out and say, "If it's that one you posted on here, I don't like it." At least not YET, not until you actually see a copy.

NOTE: I know that Amazon has not yet activated the "Look Inside!" feature that we asked for on the NICE WORK page. I don't know how much longer they'll take to do it, although I really want them to hurry. However, if you'd like a sample in PDF form, e-mail Mama (I'm trying to get her to learn how to use gmail, and that's why I'm having you do her) at jodie.gerneth at gmail, and she'll send one along. Mr. J. Michael Orenduff has advised me that Amazon customers won't buy a book that they can't LOOK INSIDE of, and I trust his judgment. Let's use the power of our minds to make them add the feature soon. And make the book sell by magic. You are getting sleeeepy--

zzzzzzzzz

*Pop* Um, right. What was I typing again?

OH, yeah. So the rabbi says to the priest, "Throw the money in the air, and what God wants, he keeps."

(Hey, don't blame me. That joke was the one that proved Number Five was alive in "Short Circuit." It's a really cute flick. If you haven't seen it, do.)

Summer Reading Recommendations!

I'm a bit tardy with this, but what do you expect from me? I'm already overclocked.

(ahem) Here are my recommendations for your summer reading. I've already read them and approved them for you. They carry the Good Shalanna Seal of Approval. *honk*

Most of these books are available in Kindle format as well, but I have linked you to the dead-tree editions. I think it would be nice to get some of the last remaining debut paper novels. Also, it's easier to haul a paper book to the beach, read it, not worry about getting it wet, and leave it behind in the hotel room drawer to be discovered by the next intrepid reader. Be sure to put a sticky note on the front cover explaining that you've given the book to the Free Library and that the new person should keep or pass the book along, as (s)he prefers. If both of you would review it on Amazon--that would be gravy! And you know you love gravy! WOOF!

First up--MY books. Because this is MY blog, and I CAN. I promise you I will get to several books by other people. In just a minute. Scroll down to see. If you simply cannot BEAR another WORD about my stooopid BOOOKS, hit PageDown a couple of times to see the other writers' mystery novels that I commend. Page down to see the Beatlemaniac caper and the ghost, if you must. *sobbing* It's OK, really. Really.

Do you like LONG books? One that won't be finished in a day, that you can drag to the beach and back for a couple of days or that will sit on the nightstand for three?

How about the winner of the 2011 Oak Tree Press First Mystery Novel contest? Yeah, yeah, you've heard already. But why not read it for yourself?

NICE WORK by Denise Weeks is a longer, more absorbing mystery than the typical contemporary genre read. (Try it on stubborn spills--you'll see it's more absorbing.) It's big like Grisham's current 400-pager, but not QUITE as long at 366 pages. Thanks to my wonderful publisher, I finally found a home for the book that both St. Martin's Press and Bantam said was lovely but too long for mystery readers to stick with. Let's prove them WRONG! Make the world safe for long books again!

Elevator pitch: Jacquidon Carroll could've killed her boss when he downsized her--or so the police think. Can she and her sister find the real killer in the maze of BDSM clubs and secret societies that her (ex-)boss turns out to have been involved in--before it's too late?

(No explicit stuff--everything's played for laughs. It's a "Snoop Sisters" sort of romp like Anne George's Southern Sisters series, but with sisters in their mid-twenties rather than elderly like Jessica Tandy/Ruth Gordon.) Jacquidon and Chantal do some things you wouldn't do (and that I wouldn't do), but they retain their innocence. Except for that break-in . . . and stealing that journal, not to mention the wad of cash found next to it . . . but they were just BORROWING it, see, and they didn't actually break-and-enter, but had a friend of theirs let them in, and anyway Jacks used to work at the place. ANYHOW, they HAD to. It was all to clear Jacquidon of the murder she'd been accused of. Oh, it's impossible to explain in a paragraph. Just read it. We'll write more. (In fact, we already have.)

First in a series. That is, if you lot buy the book! Then I can get the next book published, and the next, and the next. You know the drill.

At Amazon: Nice Work--AMAZON

STILL on SPECIAL for $12 plus FREE SHIPPING at Oak Tree Press Direct! Such a DEAL!

Nice Work CHEAP

Interested in fiction that takes an unusual look at the world and examines fantastical/paranormal experiences? Murder by the Marfa Lights by Denise Weeks, a cozy/traditional mystery, is another of my books that was selected by the judges to compete in the final round of last year's St. Martin's/Malice Domestic contest, although it did not win that contest. It SHOULD have. Am I biased here?? Although I haven't seen the book that won. Why not read them BOTH and report back to me, STAT!

Ariadne French has waited almost a year to hear from her boyfriend. A call from practically anywhere, though Aaron left her to find his fortune in Montana with promises to send for her as soon as he was settled, would suit her just fine. But to hear that he's dead of a heart attack in Marfa, Texas--and that he has left her all his worldly goods, including a cabin he built with his own hands--shakes her to the core. Aaron dead? And only a year after her sister Zöe lost her young son and became a virtual hermit. Against her sister's advice, Ari leaves Dallas for Marfa to help settle the estate--but also to investigate Aaron's death.

Aaron had apparently been trying to sell his revolutionary encryption software routine--which was claimed in the e-mails Ariadne finds on his computer to be as secure as but twice as fast as the standard RSA public-key algorithm--to several interested corporate and government buyers. But there's no trace of the software on his computer, and Ari suspects it has something to do with Aaron's death. Where is the money that he was paid in advance by several buyers? As she searches for the source code (she's certain he backed it up and had several copies) and tries to build a case to show he was murdered, more and more suspects show up on the doorstep of his cabin. She finds herself in an exotic world of religious cults, a smarmily charming minister, a mystic-minded Cherokee lawyer, a secretive musician, and Aaron's eccentric family, which has somehow picked up a sister whom Aaron never mentioned in all their time together. After enduring everything from a chase through the desert by the Marfa Mystery Lights to some very real death threats from Aaron's erstwhile heirs, Ari finds herself recruiting Zöe to help her put together the pieces and solve the ultimate mystery: why Aaron was killed, and who killed him.

Murder by the Marfa Lights by Denise Weeks is a soft-boiled cozy/traditional mystery that has a dark side, but is leavened with eccentric character-based humor in the vein of Joan Hess, Donna Andrews, and the late Anne George (whose Southern Sisters mysteries featured a pair of sleuthing sisters who were much older than my young pair.) It holds appeal for those who are fascinated by the great and diverse state of Texas, especially the "old west" area in which Marfa is located, and Texas flavors the work so much that it serves almost as a character itself. Because of the multiple UFO sightings recently in small-town Texas and the video of the Marfa Mystery Lights that was all over CNN this spring, I believe that my book will please readers who are fascinated by the supernatural or the suggestion of paranormal elements.

Murder by the Marfa Lights at Amazon

But other people write mysteries, too. Imagine!

The Baffled Beatlemaniac Caper by Sally Carpenter is the first in a series starring Sandy Fairfax, a has-been teen idol from the seventies (think Bobby Sherman and Andy Gibb) who attends a Beatles fandom convention to re-start his career.

Remember how if you played the Beatles album track backwards, you'd hear "Paul is dead" . . . um, no, it's not Paul after all! Get set for a wacky ride to a retro Beatles fan convention in this cozy/traditional mystery. Author Sally Carpenter gets the details of fandom right, down to the starry-eyed fangirl Bunny, escort for Our Hero Sandy Fairfax, a former teen idol/singer/TV star who at age 38 has returned as a special guest at this convention. Sandy, now almost forty, was the Shaun Cassidy of his day when he starred in the TV series "Buddy Brave, Boy Sleuth," analogous to the Hardy Boys Mysteries. Unfortunately, Sandy has had a tough time over the years restarting his career and is fighting alcoholism to boot. But after he ends up solving a murder, he finds himself a changed man and pulls him out of his bad attitude to focus him on a new beginning. This book reminded me of Bimbos of death sun but without the sneering attitude of the main female character towards everyone in the con, especially the fat woman whom she completely treats as scum. I gave this one a glowing review on Amazon. I wasn't kissing up, either--I always say what I mean in reviews. You can order this one on Amazon or direct from Oak Tree Press.

The Baffled Beatlemaniac Caper at Amazon

You know what a ghostwriter is, don't you? Well, sometimes someone crosses the Veil without finishing his greatest work. That's what happened to famous romance writer Max Murdoch (who produced the lovely tomes as Maxine DuBois). So when the young and unemployed (we prefer to call it "between gigs") computer programmer Nan Burton inherits her great-aunt's California beach cottage, she discovers she has also signed on to be the one to complete Max's final and greatest novel.

Lorna Collins (NO RELATION) has written a beach/ghost story for people who can't get enough of ghosts. Until I actually finish and sell my own ghost story, LOVE IS THE BRIDGE, you'll have to make do with other people's stuff, and this is the one to pick. It sort of reminded me of _The Ghost and Mrs. Muir_. I haven't finished the book yet, so don't spoil it for me. Go out and get your own copy.

Ghost Writer at Amazon

The Pot Thief Who Studied Pythagoras by J. Michael Orenduff

I can't be too effusive in my praise of Mike Orenduff's POT THIEF series. I am not at all biased by his having recommended my MARFA LIGHTS novel to his editors at Oak Tree Press and to other influential types. No, REALLY. His books stand on their own. They are a mix of lore with intellectual analysis. The plots make sense and are not derivative of anything else.

His is not the usual flat, plain, no-style writing that you get in so many best-sellers. You'll think you're reading dialogue from Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn, Rock Hudson and Doris Day, Cary Grant and anyone else--it's that funny.

He wins a lot of awards, and this is the ziilionth book in the series, so you're in for a treat! His new publisher, Aakenbaaken (and I'll have eggs sunny side up with that bacon) and Kent, needs your money (LOL), so buy this book now.

The Pot Thief Who Studied Pythagoras

Absinthe of Malice by Pat Browning

Don't let the pun in the title put you off. (I had a boss who ADORED puns. So did my most beloved and sorely missed AP English teacher. But they are still the lowest form of humor. Except for frat-boy idiocy. And anything Adam Sandler. Still, I kind of like puns. Shhh.)

It's an urban cozy set in California that explores how the past and its secrets mold and affect those living in the present. The female protagonist is clever--which counts for SO MUCH in these days of "too stupid to live" female P. I. characters and the airheaded types who never learn not to go down into the dark basement without a flashlight to find out what that terrible howling noise is. I can't say too much about the plot without risking spoilers (although several studies say spoilers don't spoil fiction--but let's not go there right now). Just pick this one up if you love small-town intrigue and amateur sleuthing.

Absinthe of Malice

My two mysteries at ~300 pages not long enough for ya? Love Jane Austen and "Five Little Peppers" and Proust? Adore historicals? Know what Prussia was (or want to learn)?

Try this 600-page historical set in 19th-century Prussia! One reviewer said Prussian Yarns by Laurie Campbell is like "Upstairs, Downstairs," where you get to see the landowners' problems as well as the servants' tribulations. Lots and lots of voice and charming characters. She's been working on this one as long as I've known her (and that is a LONG time!) I think you'll like it.

Prussian Yarns

Are you ready for a short, faster-paced fantasy/adventure? A great summer read, a beach read--good for young adults as well as grown-ups who have never lost that sense of wonder. A contemporary urban fantasy with magic! If you liked "How to buy a love of reading" or the Millicent Min books with a first-person genius girl narrator, this is your cuppa. April, Maybe June by Shalanna Collins, for middle grade readers and UP. Mostly UP.

April Bliss (yes, she gets teased for her name) is a precocious teen girl genius with a sister who is a year and a half older and even smarter. Of course April knows she's smart and funny--but not necessarily in the ways that she believes she is. Her life has been on an even keel until the day the police show up at their mansion and their family is thrown into chaos. Never mind that June slips on a magic ring and goes wild, or that April finds a magic book that shows her alarming pictures. They've got to rescue their cousin Arlene from a renegade coven of evil witches--or is that a double-cross?

Train scenes! Magic! Kidnapping! Crazy family! And lots more.

April, Maybe June

If your preferences in contemporary urban fantasy run a little grittier--here's something aimed at slightly older audiences (because of some sexual situations and language, though nothing explicit).

Camille MacTavish runs away from her new stepfather who has been attempting to abuse her and runs smack into a magical netsuke. If you don't know what that is--read this and learn something cool. Renfaire fu, tramp convention fu, shoplifting oops. Remember: Magic is dangerous--it's not Santa Claus or the Good Fairy--and never tempt a demon.

Camillle's Travels by Shalanna Collins, available on Amazon in print or Kindle editions.

Camille's Travels (or Travels Without Charley)

At last, something by someone other than MOI, but still fantasy/science fiction.

Lately I've been turning to small presses for the stuff I like to read, the sorts of books I am not getting from the New York houses. Yard Dog Press is very active at conventions and in fandom. You may already be familiar with the various books and lines they put out.

New this summer is The Anthology from Hell: Humorous Stories from WAY Down Under, edited by Julia S. Mandala. This one is a goodie. It's a collection of short stories about you-know-where and what happens there. Several of the authors are Grandmasters: Lawrence Watt-Evans, Spider Robinson, Robert Sheckley, Esther Friesner, and Mike Resnick, to name a few. BUT!! The IMPORTANT part is that my best friend from my college days has a story in it, and so does one of my other long-term friends who has gone to many events with us, and the first person in our old writers' critique group to be published does, too. In fact, the last of these is the editor of this collection! I think that says it all--of course you will go pick up this anthology. Be sure to check out the stories by Linda Donahue (my college friend), her hubby Christopher Donahue, and our friend Katherine Turski. Order direct for the best price!

The Anthology From Hell by my oldest and dearest friends!!

How about a splash of nonfiction? If you want to learn something, learn from the master. A professor who knows how to talk to the regular people!

The Lexicographer's Dilemma

Of "Grammar, And Nonsense, And Learning" speaks the learned professor Jack Lynch. You can't go wrong with one of Jack's books, from his tome on Shakespeare to his stuff on Dr. Johnson and the first dictionary. This one is a good place to start. Why not learn something about the way the English language has grown and adapted over the years, instead of just working on your tan (you shouldn't be out in the sun without SPF lotion, anyway)?

Here's the more literary, Serious Stuff.

One Bead of Gold by Lorraine Stanton This is another book by a long-time writing comrade and good friend of mine. Unfortunately, it deals with child abuse and her experiences of growing up under a cloud of it. If this stuff triggers you, you might want to consider carefully how you will react and prepare accordingly. This is an unvarnished look into the foster care system through the eyes of abused children. Worth your consideration.

One Bead of Gold

Of course if you like literary chick lit with a paranormal twist--there's always my masterpiece/book of my heart, LITTLE RITUALS by Denise Weeks. About which you have already heard so much here. I can't let this opportunity to pmp the book pass by.

LITTLE RITUALS, Daphne under a curse and learning to sail

Okay, now get ready to dig through the used book store. If you find any of these, snatch them up. You won't be disappointed.

TRUST ME ON THIS by Donald E. Westlake
BELLWETHER by Connie Willis
THE EGYPT GAME by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
THE SECRET COUNTRY by Pamela C. Dean
THE FORTUNATE FALL by Raphael Carter
THE SECRET HISTORY by Donna Tartt
SCIENCE FAIR by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson

Happy reading!

Things You Didn't Know About Me, Pt. 1

Three things I've done that you may not have done.

I went to New York City as one of eight finalists in the 2008 Scotch Brand Most Gifted (Gift) Wrapper Contest. According to the public relations firm that handles this extravaganza every December for 3M/Scotch, I am still ranked eighth in the nation. I didn't win that year, but the trip itself was prize enough.

I was born with the spelling gene. Back in the day, you could only compete in the Scripps-Howard National Spelling Bee up until you were in the sixth grade or so (or else that is when the Plano ISD cut off the preliminary rounds and sent us into full adolescent screech mode.) I competed in fifth and sixth grades and went to the state level both years. The first year I missed the word "pursuant" (I had an "e" instead of the "u," thinking of "per-" words). The second year I was panicking because my dad, who had just recovered from a massive heart attack (and this was just before the bypass became commonly used, so he was considered extremely fragile), clutched his chest and left the TV studio just before I was up to spell. I misspelled "affiliated" (I doubled the "L"), probably because I had watched so many TV ads for Affiliated Food Stores and had double vision. I was almost relieved to be able to leave the line and go see what had happened to my dad. (The spelldowns were the only time he really took any interest in me as a preteen.) It turned out that he'd been too nervous to watch and had gone outside for a smoke. Yes, sports fans, he still smoked and they weren't making people quit back in the day. No, REALLY.

I wish I had a photo of the bee. Before digital cameras, everyone was all worried about "wasting film" and cameras were big and bulky with huge hot flashbulbs and we simply don't have photos of the significant events in our lives the way y'all have now. It isn't fair. I demand a do-over.

Here I am with my dad at Christmas in my fifth-grade year. We hadn't done the Bee yet, but we would begin studying "Words of the Champions" the following spring. Ah, for that sweatshirt now! And "Dancerina," my big present. She came with a cardboard record with selections from the "Nutcracker Suite." The record and the doll were given to one of my young cousins as soon as my mother decided I was too old to have dolls. So it goes.

Note the wall of avocado green draperies. (Standard for 1969-70.) Note the console stereo. My dad built that himself. Note the real Christmas tree with plenty of tinsel. Mama did that one herself. Note the snazzy yellow stretch pants! I could still fit into those because they were so stretchy! (Not.)

And now I've forgotten the third thing. Oh, yeah, my CD. "Mixtape" by Shalanna Collins. It was only produced in extremely small test quantities (I burned a couple of copies for the van), and I discovered that it needs to be remastered in some type of listenable way. Eventually, I'll get around to re-recording the songs and making it sound good. Tracks include three of the pieces that my heroine Paige in LOVE IS THE BRIDGE wrote and performed in the novel. I really like the CD cover, too. It will be a while before I get time to work on that, though. What will I do with the Paige tracks in the meantime? When LOVE IS THE BRIDGE sells and gets into print, I plan to offer them as free MP3 downloads to all purchasers. Or maybe just anybody. Haven't decided yet.

That's me around age eight, swimming underwater after taking a six-week swimming course at the neighborhood country club. Somebody had a fancy underwater camera setup and was taking "you got your certificate!" photos of the graduates of the Small Splashers. I scanned it in and somehow it got all pixelated like that, and I liked it better than the original. Was I ever that scrawny? Like a frog in the water! (Obviously, I outgrew that phase.)

What have you done that other people haven't?